My 13 reasons why

As someone who has struggled with the thought of suicide from the age of 9-22! Life kept piling the baggage of hurt and disappointment heavier and heavier! Everyone would have been better off without me being here! Different times I wanted it to end for good, the pain to stop. One day after School when I was around 11 I got a knife out of the kitchen went into my room and held it to my chest, I knew if I pushed it thru my heart the pain would stop! I would dream about the different ways I could slice my wrist to make the pain go away the fastest. I was hurting mentally so bad. My life was a giant rollercoaster of huge ups & then huge downs. I was so bipolar in my head and the voices wouldn’t shut up telling me I’ll never be good enough, I’ll end up just like everyone else. But Something inside of me always said none of this pain will matter in 10 years! I be Dang that voice was so right! I believe today that was God’s voice.

Here are my 13 reasons why I’m glad I didn’t kill myself when the pain was unbearable!

1- its not our fault if a parent or parents abandoned us!

2- the rejection you feel from the kids at school,, they are struggling with their own issues when they make fun of you it’s not because of you it’s because of them

3- that boy isn’t the only one you’ll fall in love with, this heart break won’t last forever

4- I forgave that man who didn’t respect my NO and carried on with his pleasure &  then I came to realize it was never my fault

5- I forgave myself for all of the things I did in darkness

6- drugs didn’t rule your life forever

7-  God had always had a purpose for me!

“For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.”

Jeremiah 29:11 NLT

8-  My husband of freaking 14 years loves me unconditionally and will never leave me


9-  When my 16 year old son, that I signed over custody of when I was on drugs walks in my house and says I love you-it was worth living


10- I got to bring a beautiful daughter into this world


11- I got to baptize my sons

12- I have more friends that I could have ever dreamed of having


My 13th reason?? IS YOU….  don’t give up boy or girl! Your life is worth living



2 thoughts on “My 13 reasons why

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