It’s not over

In our darkest hour is when we can see an angel! Where we get a glimpse of hope that we will survive! Today May 1st was the date of my first line of Meth, HAPPY ANNIVERSARY RIGHT?? 16 years ago- This day almost cost me my life, it did cost me my dignity, self-worth and everything else!! But God was there the whole time!! When I was losing all hope and thinking it was over is when God sent his angel to me!! That moment I wasn’t forgotten, that moment I felt God’s unstoppable love, that moment it wasn’t over for me!! When I was detoxing from a 3 month straight meth binge, where I would eat prob every 3 days & sleep every 5! Janna Ray from our little small town of Kirby Arkansas came to visit me. She brought me a journal and this bottle of  lotion that smelt so clean and fresh… More about what the journal said a different time,, but in big bold letters the front said “don’t quit”! I ask her to write an insert for the book and tell me the back story how she showed up to my house 3 days into my detox when I was ready to give up!!


A familiar face opened the door at the little store where I worked.  “Hi, Jerry.”  His dark brown eyes twinkled at me above the ZZ Top beard.  He quietly, in true Jerry-style, picked out his purchases and I rang him up.  After the transaction, he paused. 

“I’ve got Jessica in the car.”

Jessica.  The beautiful teenager with whom I had struck up an unlikely friendship. The girl whose sparkling personality and gorgeous looks prophesied an amazing future. The girl who had been willfully missing for weeks, maybe months. 

My heart pounded as I followed Jerry out the door and to the car.  As I opened the car door my breath caught in my throat as I tried to hide my disbelief.

The person crumpled in the seat was all but unrecognizable.  Her once gorgeous ebony hair hung in long, matted clumps.  Her fingers with dirty black nails wiped at tears that streamed down her face. Her entire body was trembling.  If she’d had anything to eat lately, it wasn’t much. 

“Hey girl.” 

Her response was hoarse and her eyes stayed down.  I told her I loved her and she nodded.  No words were needed.   

“I’m glad you’re home.”

She nodded again. I shut the door and watched Jerry head out, taking his baby girl home.

My heart was both full and heavy for the rest of the day.  Full for the prodigal that had come home.  I didn’t know details, but they didn’t matter.  Heavy because I had avoided the opportunity to witness to Jessica about the Lord in past years – my own life riddled with mistakes and insecurities that Satan freely used against me. 

Lord, I don’t know what to say or do.  You know I get tongue-tied.  I don’t have the spiritual gifts to be a witness.  My own life is not in order.  Why would anyone listen to me?

Still, I felt a tugging to go to her.  (Isn’t the Holy Spirit just something else?)  Stuff.  I will bring her stuff.  I will go and I will bring her a Dr. Pepper and a barbeque sandwich. That girl did love her some Dr. Pepper and barbeque sandwiches.  My great idea turned to disappointment as I saw how small and insignificant the bag looked.  There needed to be more stuff.  Girly stuff.  I picked out some lotion and a journal and headed over to see my friend. 

As we visited, the words wouldn’t come. 

Lord, this isn’t the right time.  She just needs a friend.  Can’t I just be a friend?  She knows I’m a Christian.  Maybe she’ll want to become one, too.

And the words never came. 

But I told her I loved her no matter what. There was no judgment from me. 

Even in my weakness and outright disobedience, the Lord worked his perfect work in Jessica’s life. Little did I know she would remember our visit and insignificant items in those little brown grocery bags.

My strength is made perfect in weakness.  2 Corinthians 12:9

Praise God for carrying out His perfect and powerful plan, even in the midst of and in spite of fumbly efforts that only vaguely mirror what He has instructed us to do. 

Praise God for a handsome young man that soon led Jessica to a saving faith in Him.

Praise God for softened hearts ready to receive the Good News of a better way.

Praise God for changed lives.

Psalm 89:1 I will sing of the mercies of the LORD for ever: with my mouth will I make known thy faithfulness to all generations.



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